Three Months...

August 23rd, 2014

Dearest One,

Today, you are three months old. You are great at holding yourself up and looking around when someone is holding you. You remind me of a meerkat. You turn your head around trying to take in everything that might be happening all around you. You are so curious, you even try to keep yourself awake just to make sure that you don't miss out on anything.

I might be biased, but I truly believe that you are ahead of your age. You are "talking" up a storm,  you are "ag-oo"ing like crazy, and you are not fitting in the 0-3 months clothes we have for you anymore. You are just an incredible human being, my miracle, my friend, my gift and blessing from God.

Your Tete was in town for two months. She went and visited your great-tete and great-jiddo in New Jersey. They are staying with khalti Lina until things calm down in Syria. I hope that things calm down in my homeland and that I will be able to take you there for a visit very soon. I am sure you will love Syria. Your mama didn't grow up there, but has felt at home the minute she stepped off the plane, everytime.

Your tete's flight from Halifax International Airport to Kuwait, where your khalo and I grew up, was yesterday at 4:00pm. She cried for three days prior to Friday the 22nd,  because she could not imagine not seeing you everyday. The whole time she was here, your mama had to make sure that you were at tete's everyday to cuddle with her and spend as much time with her as possible.  If your baba and I didn't do that, we heard about how cruel it was to keep you away from her for so long (the longest she didn't see you was two days and that was torture for her).

I really miss your tete and your jiddo. I am pretty sure you don't realize she is gone,  because right after we dropped her off at the airport,  we and your khalo went and picked up your sister Rachel from New Minas. You can't take your eyes off her, you smile from ear to ear when she is around and I am so thankful for that. I hope, despite the age difference, that you and your sisters are close, as you are so loved by them.

Please remember that your baba and I love you more than you will realize.  And you can tell from what I wrote above that your tete simply adores you. Your jiddo loves you very much and has been very happy to see you and hear from you through Skype. Your khalo keeps going on and on about how cute you are, using the word "karbooj" quite a bit. Your Grammie is crazy about you, and wants to always hold you and sing to you. You can watch a video recording of her singing to you and how happy you were. Your auntie Lynne can not get enough of you. You brighten her day whenever we visit her at work. Your cousins Kaliegh and Brianna love you and are waiting patiently for you to be able to play more. Your sisters Alana and Rachel are so happy that you came along three months ago and are so excited to see you when they get the opportunity.  Please remember how loved you are by so many. You bring joy into people's lives. You bring hope, laughter, memories, betterment. If you are ever sad or lonely, just remember the happiness you brought to so many lives. Most importantly,  please remember that God loves you more than any one of us can fathom. 

I will leave you with a lyric from a lovely song:
"Don't worry,  be happy!"

Happy "Birthday" my sweet sweet angel.  Mama loves you so.

Two Months...

July 23rd, 2014

Dearest One,
You have had an eventful month my dear!
You healed up very nicely from your "procedure". When you are laying down, you can pull your head up and hold it for a bit. You can turn your head from right to left, and from left to right. You are aware of your tongue, and your arms. You seem to have more control over those parts as the days pass. You are making faces at us, and are attempting to copy what we are doing (Tete, thanks for teaching me how to stick out my tongue). Your Tete absolutely ADORES you, your Jiddo too, although he hasn't met you yet. When Tete came out of the gate at the Halifax International Airport, she gave your daddy and I quick kisses, and almost ran towards your carseat to have her first ever look at you. She gets upset if a day goes by that she doesn't see you. She loves you so much that the minute you finish feeding, she would whisk you away to hold you. You are one popular little dude, my son!
You roll like crazy now, I found that out the hard way, I am sorry to say. You can actually change your position on your playmat just by kicking. It is really cute how you are always kicking but sometimes I wonder if the extra feedings that seem to be required these days are all going to your legs. You have a wonderful smile and you have been sharing it with us for the last little while. I also feel like you are trying to talk to us sometimes, "Agoooo" is coming out of your mouth every once in a while.
You, my amazing boy, are growing like a weed, ALHAMDELLAH! Today, you weighed 4.6KG, you were 62CM long, and your head circumference was 38CM. Unfortunately, we celebrated you turning two months old by having your first set of needles at the doctor's office. But, you handled them like a champ. We then went over and visited with your Grammie, Auntie Lynne and cousin Bri. I got you a pair of sunglasses that look like your Baba's, as you are each others' buddies.

We were supposed to go to Dollar Lake with your sister Alana and Jake, but that didn't work out. I do hope to get you to a beach soon, hopefully. You are a bit under the weather at the moment, unfortunately, but I hope that you will be out of that very soon.
I love you so very much. I feel like everyday that passes, I get attached to you more and more. It was hard at first, but I feel like it is getting better. I think the fact that you smile at me helps greatly. Everytime I see a smile, my heart melts. It makes me want to have ten of you running around the house. Your Baba is your biggest fan. He is sad whenever he has to go to work, and rushes home to see you as soon as he is off of work. You are sleeping between your Baba and I at night. We love having you with us. We feel incomplete otherwise. And the bassinet doesn't seem to work for you anyways, as you still lay there awake, whenever we put you in it. Inshallah when the time comes and you have to sleep on your own, the transition will be easy for you, and for us, as I know that we will not like you not being there with us.
You are an amazing gift from Allah and maybe I don't thank Him enough, but I am so very thankful for you and that I finally got to meet you and hold you in my arms. Your Baba and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary in 12 days. I thank Allah for your Baba, as without him, I am incomplete. And now without you, we are both incomplete. I love you with all my heart my son and I hope that I am doing enough for you. Your Baba and I are trying very hard to take care of you. We love you my sweet darling.

Happy two months Jude.

Your Mama

One Month...

June 23rd/2014

Dearest One,

You are one month old already! Mashallah! You weigh 8 pounds, 6 oz. You are 58 centimeters long. You are a lot more aware of your surroundings. You are getting a lot better at holding your head and neck steady. You are still my bossom pal, but you are also getting around 250ml of formula. I am too nervous about you not getting enough from me. I am still nervous with you, and it is somewhat difficult for me not to be. I love you with all my heart.

We bought your baba a set of books he grew up reading, for Father's Day. I hope you have an amazing experience reading them together. You are very lucky to have him in your life. He loves you passionately, wakes up with you, feeds you and gets the "evil" cleaned up for you. I hope you understand how lucky you are to have him in your life. Him, and your Jiddo. They might seem different, but they are the same. They are strong men. Not physically, although they are, but they are strong of character, values and morals. Learn from them. Let Mohammed PBUH, your baba and your Jiddo be your role models. Inshallah you will get to spend a long time getting to know them and learning from them. Your tete is very smitten with you, my handsome lad. She got to see you in the flesh on the 20th of June. We are trying to spend a lot with her. And that does not seem enough. If she can have you attached to her 24 hours a day,  that would not be enough.

Mama will go and sleep for a bit, until the next feeding. I hope you can tell how much in love with you I am.

Love you habibi,
Mama

A Love Letter... to Jude

May 30th, 2014

Dearest One,

Today marks a special day for me. It was a week ago today that you came into my life. You have always been in my life, I realize that now. I have missed you. I have felt your presence and longed to see, feel, hear and have you with me.

We were blessed to find out you will be with us, God willing, on the Thanksgiving long weekend of 2013. When I found out, it was a mixture of excitement, anticipation, nervousness, and sadness. I know the last one might seem strange. I felt that you were a blessing from God that I didn't deserve, that I was not worthy of. I still feel that way sometimes. But I am learning to give myself a fair chance at deserving you.

After that memorable Thanksgiving weekend, I spent the next few months in total anticipation, with all the nerves, happiness and excitement that came with it. I tried my hardest to prepare for your arrival , but never realized that it is impossible to prepare for you. When you showed up, you completely and utterly changed my life. You brought with you the sense of duty I have been missing and itching for, a duty I felt I needed to fulfill towards humanity and towards God. You also brought complete and total change. I am still trying to get a grip on things. Nothing is the same , and I am not sure I want it to be the same as it was. Without you, a piece of my heart would be gone, and without that piece I don't know how I would live.

You are so amazing, that I am having a hard time using words to describe it. You are still a mystery to me. I don't know what you are thinking, and I can not wait to find out. When you look up into my eyes, I really hope you see the love in my eyes. I hope that you can tell just how in love with you I am. I don't know if you like what you have been brought into. I hope you do. I don't know what you are feeling, and I would love to know that too. I hope that it is a sense of calm and serenity. I hope that you can feel the love I have for you. That special love that can only exist between you and I. You truly are a blessing and that is confirmed by how amazing you have been since we finally got to meet. It has not been easy. There were a lot of ups and downs. I hope that the difficulties are behind you once and for all, and that it will be smooth sailing from now on, God willing.

Please know that I am trying my hardest to become the person who deserves you. Know that everything that I do now and will do in the future is the best I can do. Know that it is out of love, no matter who unreasonable it might seem to you later on. I will always love you no matter what happens. You will always be my prince and you will always own my heart. I will always be there for you and will support you in what is right in whatever way possible. I love you my darling, for the sake of God and for you.


Yours forever and always,
Mama

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." -Mark Twain

Miracle

The physical and emotional pain a mother endures during pregnancy, labour, delivery and postpartum is but one reason why Islam accords such an elevated status to mothers.  In this regard, the Qur’an reminds people to, “Respect the womb that bore you” Additionally, some of the traditions and sayings of the Prophet in this regard include: that one owes to their mothers three times more love and obedience than that owed to one’s father, and that “Paradise lies at the feet (serving the needs) of one’s mother.”

Source: http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=2710

Drawing: Yours truly

The Woman She Was - Rosa Jordan

"'I never worried too much about being a good mother, or a good wife or a good nurse or a good revolutionary. But I have tried to be a good person.'...I asked how I could be a good person too. She said 'Think hard about what matters most to you. When you think you know what it is, do it. Or defend it. Be strong. Don't let other people decide for you'"

Celia Cantu's mother, seeking advice from Celia Sanchez , the Flower of the Cuban Revolution and an integral member of the 26th of July Movement. pg 84